The Opposite of Popular

The online home of alleged author Victoria Leybourne

2016 Week Forty-One: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu——–

4 Comments

Guys, I’m not gonna lie to you. Literally the only point of this post is that it’s been forty-one weeks and I haven’t missed one.

I am deepdeepdeep into writing mode to meet this deadline

gif from bruce almighty: jim carrey types furiously, grimacing

and by “writing” I obviously mean “resting my forehead on my desk and contemplating what a talentless human trashfire I am”.

drawing of a woman with her face buried in her arms. Caption: "sorry I suck"

I know I’ve talked about this before but it is so so so so so hard to tell the difference between looking at my work critically so that I can fix flaws before readers see them, like a serious grown-up writer person, and pick-pick-picking away at something that was actually basically okay until I turned it into a crusty, bleeding scab. (It is possible that my experience of eczema has influenced this metaphor.)

Like, you can’t just bash out something with plot holes and clunky writing and be like “pfft, this is probably fine”, right? If you want to be a professional, if you want to be good, you have to be self-critical. You have to look at your work with the cold eye of someone who neither knows nor cares that you spent ages on it, or that you tried your best, or that you really really reeeeeeally want it to be successful.

And honestly, my eye is pretty cold. I pick holes in all the media I consume. Like, Once Upon A Time? Nothing that’s happened on that show has made sense for several seasons now, if it ever did. There are plot holes you could drop a mountain down and it wouldn’t touch the sides. But I watch it every week. I subscribe to Netflix specifically to watch it. I know what’s wrong with it and I don’t care.

But I can’t imagine anyone doing that with my work. I can’t imagine anyone liking it enough to forgive even the tiniest mistake. Crippling self-esteem deficit or a realistic assessment of the merits of my writing? I don’t know. I don’t see how I can know.

Ugh. This isn’t meant to be fishing for praise or reassurance or anything. And I know there’s nothing anyone can do about this and it’s basically a pointless whine that would be better confined to my journal. Like I said, I just didn’t want to break my streak – and, unfortunately, this is what’s on my mind right now!

Welp. Back to work, I guess!

 

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4 thoughts on “2016 Week Forty-One: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu——–

  1. Just think about all the people who’ve been following Faustina through the different versions of her story. Would we really keep wanting more if we thought it was a bad story and that you were a bad writer? And mistakes and plot-holes? They can be ironed out before publishing. Isn’t that what an editor is supposed to do?

    Be confident. You will get there.

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    • Hey 🙂 Thank you. I always hope, when I write things like this, that none of you guys who’ve been following Faustina all this time will be upset by it or think I don’t value you or your opinions, because I really, seriously do. The time and patience you’ve invested in reading the drafts and giving me your feedback is worth infinitely more than the money it will ever cost to buy the finished book, and I do know that that means something. Actually, as I write this, I realise I possibly am being a bit of a jerk for discounting that. But I guess that’s the trouble. I don’t know why I can’t take positive feedback, or your ongoing support, to heart. I’m hoping that’s something I’ll get better at with maturity and experience. But, again, thank you 🙂

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  2. Hang in there. You can do this. From the bits I’ve seen, your writing doesn’t suck… I wouldn’t be offering to read and review it for you if it did. So, just keep writing, and finish that book so you can get it out there. Like I said… You can do this!

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Talk to me. If you want. A comfortable silence is cool too.

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