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The online home of alleged author Victoria Leybourne

2016 Week Thirteen: Apathetic Soup

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I like cookbooks and I like cooking but for some reason (laziness. It’s laziness.) I never use the one to do the other. In fact, what I do in the kitchen is not so much cooking as it is “guessing with food”.

For example, my pepper and bacon soup. I had pepper and bacon soup somewhere once and it blew my mind (peppers and bacon are two of my favourite foods but it hadn’t ever occurred to me to unite them in soup form) so I decided to guess how to make it. Now I make it a lot and it is always delicious and that is always pure luck. Here is the recipe:

  1. Get some peppers. Two is a good number of peppers but sometimes they come in packs of three or sometimes you only have one. Three or one is probably okay. The red ones are my favourites but I don’t exclude peppers of other colours and the soup seems to end up red anyway so no one needs to know. Shh.
  2. Get some bacon. However much bacon comes in a pack. Like, six or eight bacons. Eight bacons is probably better because more bacon is always better. I cut the fat off the bacon but if you are using American or streaky bacon you probably shouldn’t do that because then you will have no bacon. No bacon is always bad.
  3. Chop up the peppers and the bacon. How small the pieces should be depends on how much chopping you feel like doing, which usually directly corresponds to (annoyingness of other people)x(proximity to menstruation)/(desire to consume bacony deliciousness IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER).
  4. Throw bacon and peppers in a pan with a tin of tomatoes. Add some water. Or don’t. We’ll all be dead in a hundred years anyway. Season with anything that comes to hand and seems like it might go okay with peppers, bacon and tomatoes. Paprika seems to work but then I think paprika goes with everything.
  5. Bring to a boil and then simmer until bored. Until you’re bored, that is – being chopped up and then boiled is probably not boring.
  6. Get a hand blender in there and really go to town. It may help to imagine that the pan is full of the mangled corpses of your enemies but remember: anything you spray on the walls is going to be prohibitively difficult to eat.
  7. Serve with bread or, alternatively, without bread (a good option if you have no bread).

Things that have happened this week:

  • I am ill. I don’t know why or what’s wrong with me, I’m just sort of generally… ill. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
  • I fell over while getting dressed the other day and landed on my bedside table and now a generous section of my arm is a lovely shade of Smurf blue. Why do weย call it “overbalancing”? Because whatever problem I was having then, it was not anย excess of balance. In fact, that is not a problem I am ever likely to have. Balancing is hard.
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7 thoughts on “2016 Week Thirteen: Apathetic Soup

  1. ๐Ÿ˜€
    Must try that recipe.. It sounds like my kind of cooking.

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  2. Sounds like my kind of cooking too. I like simple but effective recipes like that. Throw ’em in a pan and see what happens is the best way to cook… Or Ifits. If it’s in the cupboard…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Guessing with food! That’s perfect!

    I need to make Apathetic soup. In fact, that may very well happen this weekend.

    I hope you’re feeling better. I know this is an older post, But sometimes the plague likes to hang out for a while. And also bruises. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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    • It did hang around for a bit, actually ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I still don’t know what it was. It was a bit like the kind of run-down, dizzy, sick feeling you get after the flu, but (luckily) without the actual flu!

      The bruise was a mighty bruise. It progressed from blue to a lovely, snotty green but has now mostly faded away. It was quite something, though.

      Apathetic soup is the best soup. Apathetic anything is good, really. When in doubt, just melt some cheese over the top of it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m glad you’re feeling better. That sounds just awful. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

        Do you know what would be brilliant? Apathetic Soup with Elaborate Grilled Cheese! (grilled cheese made with smoked gouda, gruyere, herbed goat cheese, aged sharp white cheddar, layered with thinly sliced granny smith apples, kumato tomatoes, baby spinach leaves, and super crispy bacon) I think I’m going to do this combo for supper next week and maybe make it for my meal at our writing retreat. ๐Ÿ˜€

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