The Opposite of Popular

The online home of alleged author Victoria Leybourne

Things I Wrote When I Was A Kid – Part Two: “Now much more sensible”

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Well, after this week’s candle madness my novel-writing energy seems to have dipped a little. I’m still really excited about the story I’m working on but I don’t want to force anything so, instead of freaking out (which I almost never do. At least, not more than like ten, fifteen times a day), I’ve decided this would be a good time to share with you the magical experience that is the second half of my childhood journal. If you haven’t read Part One, then you are missing all kinds of precocious, Spice-Girls-hating goodness from six-year-old me and should go and read it right now.

A pink hardcover book with "Precious Memories" written in the centre of the cover. There are dark pink shadows were decorations used to be an one pink plastic jewel is still stuck to it.

Don’t act like you’re not excited.

 

Okay, so you guys remember how ten-year-old me went through all the entries by six-year-old me and vandalised corrected them? She gave nine-year-old me similar treatment:

Dear Diary (crossed out) Trixie, This is strictly private. I am now 9* years old and much more sensible. I am, yet again, tidying my room. I now have a computer named 'Albus Dumbledore', from the Harry Potter books. (scribble) (In blue pen, from ten-year-old me) Harry Potter is brilliant (italics, underlined).  *I am now 10 (correct at time of writing)

I mean, you can see why it’s “strictly private”. Can you imagine what would have happened if word that I was (yet again) tidying my room had reached my enemies?

The word that I’ve scribbled out is “cool”. Apparently not a strong enough word to express my feelings about Harry Potter.

I was going to say something about how I used to name my computers (I mentioned Artemis the other day), but then I remembered that I named the C Drive on my current PC Eddie, after the cheerful shipboard computer in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

As for the correction at the bottom, I wonder if that goes some way to explaining why I was going back and “fixing” old entries. I mean, maybe I was thinking of the diary less of a record of things that had happened in the past and more as something that had to be kept constantly updated. People with children, does this sound like plausible Kid Logic to you?

Also, Kid Logic would be an awesome mathematician rapper name. For a given value of “awesome”. Let’s move on.

We don’t hear from nine-year-old me again so either my room was really untidy or I found something more interesting to do. Either way, the next entry is from the day – drumroll please – I inexplicably named my diary Trixie.

Dear Trixie, Today it is Thursday 25th May 2000. Tomorrow my school, (covered with a stick of gum), were going to have sports day but, due to all the rain, they had to cancel it, thank goodness. Today at school we did Maths, English, Science and Technology. The day after tomorrow (Saturday) is the start of half term. We are going on holiday. I HATE HOLIDAYS. Zluck!

Gum is to conceal the name of my primary school and also, I guess, because I’m really excited that I bought a multipack of gum.

Things that have changed since I wrote this entry:

  1. It is no longer Thursday the 25th of May, 2000.
  2. I no longer express disgust by writing “zluck”. What the hell is zluck?

Actually, now that I’ve written it a couple of times, I kind of want to start using zluck.

Regina from Mean Girls: Stop trying to make "zluck" happen. It's never going to happen!

Things that have not changed since I wrote this entry:

  1. I still hate sports.
  2. I still hate going on holiday (that’s holiday as in vacation, to you American types).

I don’t know why. Well, I do with sports: it’s because it’s sweaty and unpleasant and people shout at you for not being able to catch even though you could have told them that before they threw the ball at you. But people are supposed to enjoy going on holiday. I guess these days I sort of enjoy being on holiday, but I find the planning and travelling so stressful that it’s not always worth it. But when I was a kid I pretty much loathed the whole experience:

Dear Trixie, Today it is Friday the 26th of May, 2000. Thursday is now the day I am NOT looking forward to. Not ONE TINY BIT. I say this bit nice and clear so you get it: WE ARE GOING ON HOLIDAY. Absolute shock horror disaster. Oh, well, it could have been worse, we could have been going without Bongo (my monkey xxx)

If you’re wondering about “Bongo (my monkey xxx)” it’s this guy:

A small brown cuddly monkey

He was (and, let’s be honest, still is) my bestest monkey buddy and apparently he makes “shock horror disaster” situations okay. His wife is a purple platypus called Patti who ran her own magazine for a while, but I’m wandering severely off-topic.

I wouldn’t want you guys to get the idea that I hated everything when I was a kid. I mean, sometimes I was all about the love:

Dear Trixie, Today is July 6th, 2000, National Kissing Day. I had (italicised) great fun teasing the boys at school.

Is it just me or is there something a little unnerving about the way I’ve italicised “great”?

I just Googled “National Kissing Day” and apparently it’s been running for ten years. Something doesn’t add up. Did I know about it before it was invented? Did I invent National Kissing Day? Because I’m totally putting that on my CV.

Actually, all that kissing might have had some negative side effects. Apparently there’s an infectious disease going round:

Dear Trixie, Today is Saturday the 8th of July. The 4th Harry Potter book came out today so I have spent a long time in my bedroom. There has been a lot of 'Harry Potter fever' going round so it is quite a big thing. There was even a train (bearing JK Rowling, the author), made to look like the Hogwarts Express leaving Kings Cross station.

I got a fever… and the only prescription is more wizards.

Keep your wands clean, people. Harry Potter Fever is no joke.

There’s a list in here marked “important birthdays”, made up of dates and initials. Some of them are real people who might not want their date of birth on the internet, hence the lack of picture, but there’s a big cluster of initials with dates in 1998 and 1999 and I’ve been sitting here for some time trying to work out how I came to know a whole bunch of babies in 2000. Eventually I realised that they’re all stuffed animals. I guess when you have as many as I did it becomes difficult to keep track without some kind of aide-mémoire.

I was going to stop there, but then I remembered that I promised you evidence of my discovery of gel pens. You guys can read sparkly yellow on a pink background, right?

Dear Trixie, I said 'more tomorrow', didn't I? Remind me not to do that again. Right, enough with the time + space wasting waffle. Today we have been to the beach at (covered by gum), which was brilliant, but for no explicable reason, everyone ELSE is in an extremely scratchy mood so I stormed off here and... well, I think you can guess the rest.

Not really sure why I obscured the place name in this one. I just really like gum.

 

You know when everyone else is in a really bad mood, so you storm off to your room? Yeah. That.

Anyway, that’s “enough with the time and space wasting waffle”. Hey, isn’t that what the Doctor has for breakfast?

The Doctor with a poorly drawn-on waffle.

That about wraps it up for this diary. But don’t worry, there’s more! Tune in next time for some tasty morsels from this notebook:

A blue notebook with a picture of a dinosaur on it

You know it’s gonna be good when there’s a dinosaur on the cover.

 

Oh, and PS: My zombie comedy ‘Bloody Zombies’ is now free on Amazon and Google Play. You should download it and tell your friends how great it is. Unless you don’t think it’s very good, in which case you can tell your enemies it’s great and watch them suffer.

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6 thoughts on “Things I Wrote When I Was A Kid – Part Two: “Now much more sensible”

  1. Pingback: Things I Wrote When I Was A Kid – Part One: “Precious Memories” | Victoria Leybourne: The Opposite of Popular

  2. I can’t tell you how delighted I am by your loathing of holidays and the fact that you recorded the birth dates of your stuffed animals. Of course, I have no room for giggling here since I was the child who needed to play with all of my stuffed animals equally (even the ones that weren’t favorites) so their feelings wouldn’t be hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sorry, I somehow missed this comment! I’m so glad you enjoyed this one too, and that someone else took their stuffed animals as seriously as I did. I hated hurting their feelings!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m glad I’m not alone in that! Sometimes, I’d play with my brother’s least favorite stuffed animals, too, like it was some sort of outreach program for less fortunate stuffies. Overdeveloped sense of responsibility for others’ feelings? No… not me. Why would you even think that?

        Like

  3. Pingback: Disclaimer | Victoria Leybourne: The Opposite of Popular

  4. Pingback: Things I Wrote When I Was a Kid: Patti’s Gang | Victoria Leybourne

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